Shakin' Things Up

OK, so we had ANOTHER earthquake yesterday. It was pretty big, but I am fine. Nothing is damaged and we weren't at the center of it, so I am very thankful.
I'm very thankful to live in a place that is prepared (including structurally) for earthquakes.
My sister should be in Japan now. She is studying in Osaka. Unfortunately, that is far from where I am, but I am hoping to visit her one weekend while she is here.
In the mean-time, we are both missing out on a family reunion back home. It is the first one in years on my dad's side of the family. My brother and his wife are missing it too. I guess that's what happens when you grow up. Still, it would be nice to see some of my family that I haven't seen in years.
Recently, I've been thinking about my life and my interactions with others. For so long, I've managed to do what is expected of me (except getting married). But I'm always doing what someone wants me to do. I'm struggling with living MY life. I'm always compromising for someone else and when I do try to stand firm, I'm told that I'm being selfish or that I should just get over it.
I don't want to be selfish, but I don't want to be a push-over either. I'm struggling to find the balance.
That has definitely effected the way that I interact with men. I will either not even try for a relationship because I don't know where I want to settle down, so I don't want to deal with the problem of separating in the future or I fall too hard and end up in a challenging long-distance relationship. Then there's the combo of school and long-distance relationships (been there, done that).
Even if you take all of that out of the equation, I'm beginning to think that there aren't many good guys out there. I'm not saying that they don't exist. I'm just saying that their population is dwindling. If you find one, he's probably got some pretty big baggage.
Let me back up a little. Is it really so impossible to find a decent, educated man who is single?
I know it doesn't sound like much to ask for. If I were to loosely define decent, I would include treating women with respect under it's definition. Honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask for nor do I think that I should settle for anything less (so when I am asked why I don't try to find a nice, Japanese man, I leave out the whole diatribe against the way men behave in this culture).
As I was saying...
Another thing that seems to present a challenge, is the amount of single men who have children (I know,women have them too, but I'm focusing on the issue of men with children for now). Since I began dating, I have always known of, at least a few men, who already have children. I've even dated men with children. This is where things get sticky. I have nothing against children (I was a nanny for more than 10 years. In fact, I adore MOST children). But when you're dealing with the behaviors of ex-wives or ex-girlfriends of your current man, it can be rough. Some women are just cruel and/or psycho. Aside from the ex's antics, it puts the new girlfriend in an awkward postion. For one thing, we want to be supportive to the kids and our man. On the other hand, most of us don't want to bad-mouth the ex in front of the children. However, when we can clearly see her manipulation and patterns of behavior and how they are affecting our new man, it is difficult. If we say something, we risk being accused of "not understanding" or "not knowing the whole story". Or we are sometimes told to mind our own business, or my favorite "I can't do much about it, because she's my baby's mama". The worst part is the way some of these women use their children to manipulate their ex-men. They have them so afraid of never being able to see their children again, that these men would do anything.
So what I see, is that the women who are acting like this, never should have been with these men in the first place. And the women who ended up with the dead-beat ex should not be in the position they are either. WHY do these extreme opposites attract!? I'm sure I could write a dissertation on this, but I will try to steer away from this. Anyway, all of that to say, that I am attracted to decent men with values. Unfortunately, most of these men come with this kind of drama. I'm no saint, but I don't have this much drama. Is it selfish for me to not want to choose this? Am I a fool for even accepting that this kind of relationship will probably be my fate?
I want a relationship that is 50/50. Not 75/25 or even 50/25/25. I don't think that an ex should be given so much power. I do think that she has every right to her children and that the parents should work things out, but I don't think that her power should extend to an exclusion from all holidays or important events. I say "C'mon people!We are the adults here."
All of that said, I feel like I have one of two options, I can either accept that I will most likely have to deal with an ex or two in future relationships OR, I can make a list of exactly what I want in a man and not waver from that list (and more than likely remain single for eternity).
Neither of these choices would effect my immediate future, because I am not "talking" to anyone right now.
I don't feel as though I am desparate either. I just like trying to be prepared for what may present itself in the future. That's all.
Maybe someday, I will be brave and post my list. Or maybe not. That way, if I do happen upon a decent man, I will know that there is no way he could have seen that list before. ;+)