I was feeling a little down today. Every time I think back to the little woman trying to stomp me away, I become sad. Not so much because she didn't like me. I am saddened and frustrated because I know that this doesn't happen only in Japan, it happens everyday in America, too. It happens in Africa, it happens everywhere. We don't live in the Dark Ages anymore. Why are we still judging people by skin color, nationality, and/or appearances!? When will Dr. King's dream be realized? When will we be judged by our character?
Some ladies from one of my conversation classes picked me up today and took me to the new "it" cafe in Hasuda. When we arrived, I thought that we were going to somebody's house first. The cafe was actually a part of someone's house. The house was larger than it looked from outside. The cafe was very cozy and had a relaxing atmosphere. Small hibachi were smoldering to provide extra warmth for the guests.
When we arrived, there were only three other guests enjoying tea. By the time we ordered, the place was crowded. It remained steady for the two hours we were there. The owner was excited to have a foreigner in his cafe and brought me many foods to try (no charge!). He also practiced his English every chance he could. At one point, he was standing in front of our table (blocking me from everyone else's view) and we were all speaking English. The other customers started to ask why we were speaking in English. When the owner moved, they realized that we were speaking English because of me. People started giggling and staring. Some other people even tried to speak some English. Most of the customers just smiled and waved at me. I actually felt comfortable and welcomed today. That is the mystery of this place. Some people will do anything to try and impress me based on the simple fact that I am a foreigner. Others will show contempt using the same reasoning. I would really like to find a middle ground, but I know that it will never happen. In the meantime, I should just keep in mind the old saying "You can please all of the people some of the time. You can please some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time".
I guess that I should treasure the moments that are good, try to learn as much as I can from my experiences here, and just not dwell on the open hostility.
Yup, today was a good day.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Afternoon Encounters with the Locals
I'm not sure that I will have any specific topic today. One thing has been on my mind a lot though.
Before I get to it though, I should preface it with the fact that I live in a small town in Japan where the number of non-Asians is probably less than 10.
It's not hard to imagine then, that I really stick out(I'm about as pale as you can get).
Today, I had a few things happen on my way home from work. One of my elementary students and her mother spotted me as I was walking home. The mother got very excited and got the attention of her daughter. They stopped me just so they could say "hello" and practice their English. It made me feel welcome in their neighborhood, as well as in their schools. It's fun when the students like you, but it means a lot when the parents show interest or appreciation in your work.
Anyway, I'm sure that I had a big smile on my face as I continued towards my apartment. I was walking in the area of our train station. It's Friday, it was before 5:00 pm, so it was busy. I was walking past a tiny, elderly woman. Suddenly, she looked up at me, got angry, and stomped her foot at me. I was very shocked by this. If I hadn't been so shocked, I probably would have laughed (or growled as another friend suggested).
Not more than 2 minutes later, I was crossing at the crosswalk. A mother with three small children were coming towards me. She was speaking to her children. I understood enough to know that she told them that foreigners who lived in town were usually English teachers, but they (her children) should still be careful. I smiled and nodded my head in agreement as I passed them. The mother looked shocked at first, and then smiled and bowed like she was apologizing.
The next thing that happened, was at the grocery store. Mind you, I usually see several of my students at the store. On rare occurrences, little, old ladies follow me to see what I put into my basket (what does the gaijin eat?). Mostly, I get stared at. Well, I was standing in line at the check-out and I decided to find my club card while I was waiting. I didn't realize that I had forgotten to zip the coin purse back up when I went to the post office earlier and my coins started to fall out. I thought that I had caught them all. Suddenly, someone gently taps me on the shoulder (I thought it was a student), bends down, picks up my 100 yen coin (about 1 dollar), and hands it to me. I was completely shocked! Strangely, I was moved by this gesture. Here, I had already encountered a woman who obviously had no problems showing her hatred toward me, and then I had a woman who wanted to make sure that I didn't lose my money.
I got to thinking about this woman at the grocery store. I didn't notice that I had dropped my money. She wasn't even in line behind me. Was she watching me? Did she just happen to walk past as it fell? Could she tell that I was a little bit down and feeling completely out of place?
Has she ever lived abroad and experienced anything like what she might have imagined me to be going through? Was she simply trying to do something nice? Whatever the answer, I am very grateful to her.
I think that I have experienced all the possible scenarios of interacting with the locals today. It has been a very interesting day, to say the least.
I am extremely thankful for the school mother I encountered on the way home and for the woman in the grocery store.
In a way, I am also glad that I encountered the young mother with her small children. Being so far away from home in a "safe" land that doesn't speak my native language, I often feel like I am in a bubble. I need to be reminded from time to time that I am not always safe and that I shouldn't take my safety for granted. I know that the mother referring to her children's safety and not to mine, but it put things into perspective for me.
And finally, there is the woman who stomped at me like she was trying to get rid of a big dog or something. I would like to think that the reason that she did this, is because she is mentally ill. In all honesty though, it was probably out of hatred and/or fear. She probably has had experiences that, to her, justify her feelings. I honestly can't imagine how people can live with such hatred.
Imagine how the hate and bitterness would eat away at your life. It must make for a miserable existence.
I truly hope that no matter what happens, I can focus on the kindness of strangers and forget about the open hostility of others. If I let it get to me, I might become bitter and hateful too. That's not a very constructive use of time or energy. I hope that I can learn something from all of this and then let it go.
Before I get to it though, I should preface it with the fact that I live in a small town in Japan where the number of non-Asians is probably less than 10.
It's not hard to imagine then, that I really stick out(I'm about as pale as you can get).
Today, I had a few things happen on my way home from work. One of my elementary students and her mother spotted me as I was walking home. The mother got very excited and got the attention of her daughter. They stopped me just so they could say "hello" and practice their English. It made me feel welcome in their neighborhood, as well as in their schools. It's fun when the students like you, but it means a lot when the parents show interest or appreciation in your work.
Anyway, I'm sure that I had a big smile on my face as I continued towards my apartment. I was walking in the area of our train station. It's Friday, it was before 5:00 pm, so it was busy. I was walking past a tiny, elderly woman. Suddenly, she looked up at me, got angry, and stomped her foot at me. I was very shocked by this. If I hadn't been so shocked, I probably would have laughed (or growled as another friend suggested).
Not more than 2 minutes later, I was crossing at the crosswalk. A mother with three small children were coming towards me. She was speaking to her children. I understood enough to know that she told them that foreigners who lived in town were usually English teachers, but they (her children) should still be careful. I smiled and nodded my head in agreement as I passed them. The mother looked shocked at first, and then smiled and bowed like she was apologizing.
The next thing that happened, was at the grocery store. Mind you, I usually see several of my students at the store. On rare occurrences, little, old ladies follow me to see what I put into my basket (what does the gaijin eat?). Mostly, I get stared at. Well, I was standing in line at the check-out and I decided to find my club card while I was waiting. I didn't realize that I had forgotten to zip the coin purse back up when I went to the post office earlier and my coins started to fall out. I thought that I had caught them all. Suddenly, someone gently taps me on the shoulder (I thought it was a student), bends down, picks up my 100 yen coin (about 1 dollar), and hands it to me. I was completely shocked! Strangely, I was moved by this gesture. Here, I had already encountered a woman who obviously had no problems showing her hatred toward me, and then I had a woman who wanted to make sure that I didn't lose my money.
I got to thinking about this woman at the grocery store. I didn't notice that I had dropped my money. She wasn't even in line behind me. Was she watching me? Did she just happen to walk past as it fell? Could she tell that I was a little bit down and feeling completely out of place?
Has she ever lived abroad and experienced anything like what she might have imagined me to be going through? Was she simply trying to do something nice? Whatever the answer, I am very grateful to her.
I think that I have experienced all the possible scenarios of interacting with the locals today. It has been a very interesting day, to say the least.
I am extremely thankful for the school mother I encountered on the way home and for the woman in the grocery store.
In a way, I am also glad that I encountered the young mother with her small children. Being so far away from home in a "safe" land that doesn't speak my native language, I often feel like I am in a bubble. I need to be reminded from time to time that I am not always safe and that I shouldn't take my safety for granted. I know that the mother referring to her children's safety and not to mine, but it put things into perspective for me.
And finally, there is the woman who stomped at me like she was trying to get rid of a big dog or something. I would like to think that the reason that she did this, is because she is mentally ill. In all honesty though, it was probably out of hatred and/or fear. She probably has had experiences that, to her, justify her feelings. I honestly can't imagine how people can live with such hatred.
Imagine how the hate and bitterness would eat away at your life. It must make for a miserable existence.
I truly hope that no matter what happens, I can focus on the kindness of strangers and forget about the open hostility of others. If I let it get to me, I might become bitter and hateful too. That's not a very constructive use of time or energy. I hope that I can learn something from all of this and then let it go.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
"Blah"g
Recently, I have had doubts about staying another year in Japan. I am staying, but I think that part of my doubts come from the unknown. We will be committing to another year before we change schools. Within two years, we will have been to four schools (maybe five).
I have finally become comfortable in figuring out my current situation. I am nervous about changing schools. What if I get the school that's way out in the country? What if I get the jerk for a teacher who wears the bad toupee? What if I get to a school where the English teachers don't speak English? I'm doubting myself it is causing me to doubt why I'm here.
On the other hand, I know that I am doing something good. I know that I work hard. I also know that I am hear to communicate with the students IN ENGLISH. Ironically, I feel more comfortable trying to talk with the kids in Japanese, rather than the teachers and staff.
I'm very confused.
It's January. It's cold. I really miss my sister, my friend Wayne, and my other good friends.
I know that a lot of this is because I need more interaction than "It's cold, isn't it?" or "How are you today?".
On the other hand, I have children who run up and talk to me simply because I'm different. It's safe to do that here...it wouldn't really happen back home. Katlin and I were at the store the other night eating crepes, when a little boy (maybe 2) ran over to see what I was eating. He just kept looking at my face and then looking at my crepe holder (the crepe was gone). He did that several times before he figured out that there was nothing left. I thought that he was very cute and very brave. This is just one incident, but there are many where kids talk to me, or little toddlers wave and say hello. Any sort of kind, human interaction is what I crave and appreciate. I know that I am just having moments of loneliness, but I know that it will pass.
I am a very independent person, but I still like to be around other people. At this point, it's not so much a problem with finding people to be around (I live near Tokyo!), it's more of a matter of finding someone who can understand what I'm saying and I can understand what they are saying. (I should also add that it helps if they aren't crazy...as I actually encountered this problem shortly after I arrived. That's another story for another blog).
At any rate, I've got the winter blues and I am really looking forward to spring. I always have something to look forward to and to keep me going. January is almost over and February is a short month. That means spring will be here soon, right?
I can't wait!
I have finally become comfortable in figuring out my current situation. I am nervous about changing schools. What if I get the school that's way out in the country? What if I get the jerk for a teacher who wears the bad toupee? What if I get to a school where the English teachers don't speak English? I'm doubting myself it is causing me to doubt why I'm here.
On the other hand, I know that I am doing something good. I know that I work hard. I also know that I am hear to communicate with the students IN ENGLISH. Ironically, I feel more comfortable trying to talk with the kids in Japanese, rather than the teachers and staff.
I'm very confused.
It's January. It's cold. I really miss my sister, my friend Wayne, and my other good friends.
I know that a lot of this is because I need more interaction than "It's cold, isn't it?" or "How are you today?".
On the other hand, I have children who run up and talk to me simply because I'm different. It's safe to do that here...it wouldn't really happen back home. Katlin and I were at the store the other night eating crepes, when a little boy (maybe 2) ran over to see what I was eating. He just kept looking at my face and then looking at my crepe holder (the crepe was gone). He did that several times before he figured out that there was nothing left. I thought that he was very cute and very brave. This is just one incident, but there are many where kids talk to me, or little toddlers wave and say hello. Any sort of kind, human interaction is what I crave and appreciate. I know that I am just having moments of loneliness, but I know that it will pass.
I am a very independent person, but I still like to be around other people. At this point, it's not so much a problem with finding people to be around (I live near Tokyo!), it's more of a matter of finding someone who can understand what I'm saying and I can understand what they are saying. (I should also add that it helps if they aren't crazy...as I actually encountered this problem shortly after I arrived. That's another story for another blog).
At any rate, I've got the winter blues and I am really looking forward to spring. I always have something to look forward to and to keep me going. January is almost over and February is a short month. That means spring will be here soon, right?
I can't wait!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Yuzu Bath
What do you do when you find yourself in a foreign country in January on a bitterly cold night?
You take a bath.
Japan has the most wonderful bathtubs. They are very deep, they have a heater that cycles the water to keep it hot, and they have covers for the tubs to help keep the water warm while you are not in the tub. There are bath powders that you can add as well. I believe that the yuzu (a citrus fruit) is the traditional scent used for bathing around New Years.
A co-worker recently went to some hot springs that is famous for yuzu powder, so she brought me some.
Tonight, I decided to try it out. It was a very relaxing way to ward of the cold. I can't wait to do it again!
You take a bath.
Japan has the most wonderful bathtubs. They are very deep, they have a heater that cycles the water to keep it hot, and they have covers for the tubs to help keep the water warm while you are not in the tub. There are bath powders that you can add as well. I believe that the yuzu (a citrus fruit) is the traditional scent used for bathing around New Years.
A co-worker recently went to some hot springs that is famous for yuzu powder, so she brought me some.
Tonight, I decided to try it out. It was a very relaxing way to ward of the cold. I can't wait to do it again!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Noisy Neighbors
Is it really necessary for my downstairs neighbors to be so noisy every night? Every night, they are either drinking (which causes them to become louder as the night goes on), cleaning (they like to vacuum [drunk, I think] at odd hours), and they like to watch tv and then try to talk over it. Usually, they stop around 4:30am. So I can usually have uninterrupted sleep for 2 hours.
Today is a holiday. The neighbors decided to start their celebration a little early yesterday. Instead of starting around 10 pm, they started at 4:00 pm, but didn't stop until 8:00 this morning! GRRRRRR.
It doesn't matter where I go in my apartment, the noise is all the same. From what I have heard from his next door neighbor, the man isn't a very nice man. If I asked him to stop or talked with the landlords, it would probably make things worse. I'm just tired of not getting any sleep.
Today is a holiday. The neighbors decided to start their celebration a little early yesterday. Instead of starting around 10 pm, they started at 4:00 pm, but didn't stop until 8:00 this morning! GRRRRRR.
It doesn't matter where I go in my apartment, the noise is all the same. From what I have heard from his next door neighbor, the man isn't a very nice man. If I asked him to stop or talked with the landlords, it would probably make things worse. I'm just tired of not getting any sleep.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Today is Better
Yes folks, today is a better day. Nothing drastic happened overnight, but I feel more focused and relaxed. I'm sure I've been in need of a serious attitude adjustment. A lack of sleep does not help matters any either. At any rate, I was able to sleep more last night. It wasn't completely restful, but my neighbors went out for a bit. This left me with a few hours of quiet, peaceful rest ^_^. It's amazing what a couple hours of rest can do for you.
Today is a cold and windy day, but it's still sunny! It is also too windy for the other neighbors to burn trash, so I am able to hang my sheets and towels to dry :+) I have much to be thankful for.
I will not be a whiner today. I am just going to enjoy the day God made.
Today is a cold and windy day, but it's still sunny! It is also too windy for the other neighbors to burn trash, so I am able to hang my sheets and towels to dry :+) I have much to be thankful for.
I will not be a whiner today. I am just going to enjoy the day God made.
A New Year
Happy New Year (a couple of weeks late, but it's still January)!
It is only January 12th, but it has been a busy month already. I did not make any resolutions (I resolved several years ago to quit making New Year's resolutions. It was probably one of the few I have managed to keep). I still take time to reflect and to make goals, though.
Finding myself in a new country with a new language and a new job, I don't feel the need to set lofty goals this year. I feel like that would be completely insane. My immediate goal is to continue to survive. I would also like to learn more Japanese. It seems that the workbooks through my program just aren't cutting it. Without actually conversing, I don't learn.
I have also purposed to get out and do more sight-seeing. I find myself absolutely exhausted on the weekends. I spend Saturdays recovering and cleaning. Most of the time, I've been going to church on Sundays, so that doesn't leave much time for exploring. Sadly, I feel guilty no matter what my decisions are.
Oh yeah, and I am going to TRY to not feel guilty all of the time.
As I mentioned, this month has already been busy. With holidays, traveling, and a new school term, everything seems chaotic. The crummy weather and lack of sleep (thank you kindly, downstairs neighbors), I have felt almost detached. Frustration plays a big part of it, too. Don't get me wrong. I REALLY do like it here. I am very happy with my job and I am always so happy interacting with my students. Outside of the classroom can be a different story though. I am tired.
I am tired of certain people (a person, really) working against me rather than with me. I am tired of thinking that I have finally figured something out, only to discover that I really haven't. I am tired of people who expect my Japanese to be flawless by now (HONESTLY! How much could they understand and speak after two years of studying English?). I am tired of people giving me guilt trips for whatever their cause of the day is. I am tired of friends who try to manipulate. I am tired of people who act like I owe them so many favors (I'm not sure why, because I am usually a very giving person. It's a fault of mine, because I am often taken advantage of). I'm also tired of people trying to plan my life or attach themselves to my plans. I am also tired of everyone's drama! Most of the time, it's trivial. Don't drag me in it, just grow up and deal with it! I don't mind being supportive, but I am not going to solve your problems for you.
I am tired of people who are experts on everything or have to top everything I do. That's all I will say about that.neighbors. I understand that some people work different shifts, but that doesn't mean that you have to get drunk every night, laugh and talk loudly, vacuum at 2:00am or make really loud noises at 4:30 every morning before you go to bed. I really would like some sleep! I think it is wearing on my nerves and causing me to be irritable.
Finally, I am really tired of my downstairs
This is not just about one person, but several people. Please don't think that I am purposely directing this at one person. It is my GENERAL frustrations of family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors, and strangers. It is my frustration of how I let these interactions bother me.
Basically, I am tired and am running out of patience. It's not a good quality and it's NOT something that I want to continue with. I have been feeling like things have bottomed out and that I am scrambling to stay afloat. So, if I seem a little moody, please don't take it personally. Please try to be patient with me while I make decisions regarding changes and directions in my life.
It's time for me to take steps toward personal growth. This is my goal for the year.
It is only January 12th, but it has been a busy month already. I did not make any resolutions (I resolved several years ago to quit making New Year's resolutions. It was probably one of the few I have managed to keep). I still take time to reflect and to make goals, though.
Finding myself in a new country with a new language and a new job, I don't feel the need to set lofty goals this year. I feel like that would be completely insane. My immediate goal is to continue to survive. I would also like to learn more Japanese. It seems that the workbooks through my program just aren't cutting it. Without actually conversing, I don't learn.
I have also purposed to get out and do more sight-seeing. I find myself absolutely exhausted on the weekends. I spend Saturdays recovering and cleaning. Most of the time, I've been going to church on Sundays, so that doesn't leave much time for exploring. Sadly, I feel guilty no matter what my decisions are.
Oh yeah, and I am going to TRY to not feel guilty all of the time.
As I mentioned, this month has already been busy. With holidays, traveling, and a new school term, everything seems chaotic. The crummy weather and lack of sleep (thank you kindly, downstairs neighbors), I have felt almost detached. Frustration plays a big part of it, too. Don't get me wrong. I REALLY do like it here. I am very happy with my job and I am always so happy interacting with my students. Outside of the classroom can be a different story though. I am tired.
I am tired of certain people (a person, really) working against me rather than with me. I am tired of thinking that I have finally figured something out, only to discover that I really haven't. I am tired of people who expect my Japanese to be flawless by now (HONESTLY! How much could they understand and speak after two years of studying English?). I am tired of people giving me guilt trips for whatever their cause of the day is. I am tired of friends who try to manipulate. I am tired of people who act like I owe them so many favors (I'm not sure why, because I am usually a very giving person. It's a fault of mine, because I am often taken advantage of). I'm also tired of people trying to plan my life or attach themselves to my plans. I am also tired of everyone's drama! Most of the time, it's trivial. Don't drag me in it, just grow up and deal with it! I don't mind being supportive, but I am not going to solve your problems for you.
I am tired of people who are experts on everything or have to top everything I do. That's all I will say about that.neighbors. I understand that some people work different shifts, but that doesn't mean that you have to get drunk every night, laugh and talk loudly, vacuum at 2:00am or make really loud noises at 4:30 every morning before you go to bed. I really would like some sleep! I think it is wearing on my nerves and causing me to be irritable.
Finally, I am really tired of my downstairs
This is not just about one person, but several people. Please don't think that I am purposely directing this at one person. It is my GENERAL frustrations of family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors, and strangers. It is my frustration of how I let these interactions bother me.
Basically, I am tired and am running out of patience. It's not a good quality and it's NOT something that I want to continue with. I have been feeling like things have bottomed out and that I am scrambling to stay afloat. So, if I seem a little moody, please don't take it personally. Please try to be patient with me while I make decisions regarding changes and directions in my life.
It's time for me to take steps toward personal growth. This is my goal for the year.
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