Why is it that the value of a woman seems to diminish if she is single and over the age of twenty-five? Or worse, over thirty? Why are do others view us as possibly lacking, incomplete or problematic? Why do people want to know "what's wrong with you?" Most disturbingly, why do people always assume the worst? If I were a man, most would not think twice that I am still single.
Instead of being shunned, why aren't we praised for remaining single? Many of us are strong and independent. We are not married because we choose to take advantage of opportunities through education and careers. Many times, the guys can not handle this or are intimidated by this. Rather than give up on our dreams and settle with someone who is obviously not compatible, we choose to wait for the "right one" to come along.
In Japan, women over the age of 25 are referred to as "Christmas cake". Nobody wants it on the 26th after Christmas is over. The same applies to women: Nobody wants them after the age of 25. Why not? It's not like we suddenly turn into pumpkins. We don't begin to decompose at the age of 26. We still have a lot of life left in us.
I have spent most of my life around children. I adore them. If I ever have a child of my own, I will feel very blessed. I also enjoy male companionship. Never once in my life have I felt that my sole purpose in life was to attach myself to the first man who will have me and then dedicate myself to procreation. I am not saying that I am against marriage and becoming a housewife. What I am saying, is that this is a very important part of a woman's life, but it is only a small piece of who she is. So why should our identity be wrapped up in this one thing?
I am tired of being asked why I'm not married. I'm tired of people assuming that, since I'm single, I must have plenty of time for others (because it's assumed that whatever semblance of a life I have is not as important as my colleagues who have paired off with someone). People think that I must sit at home alone because I am single. People are constantly calling me for favors because I have no one to disrupt.
Whatever. My time is just as precious. Maybe I can be a little more flexible because I am single, but I still work hard and have a life.
The difference, is that I'm independent and smart. I have just chosen to wait for men to step up their game. I want to know that the man I choose to be with is strong enough to handle me working (if I choose) and sensitive enough to meet my needs. I also feel that I shouldn't have to lower my standards. I have never been married and I have no children. I know that it is almost unrealistic in today's society to expect the same, but I am willing to compromise to an extent. (Thankfully, I've found someone who meets my standard)
I'm not looking for a perfect man and we all know that I'm not a perfect woman. It just bothers me that so many people assume things. They don't look at the whole picture. They have not realized what it is that so many women already know: We aren't desperate, we just have standards. Many of us are strong enough to wait, even when the waiting is difficult.
So rather than refer to us as desperate and as Christmas cake, why not call us what we really are? We are precious gems.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
"I'm In Deep Smit" or "O Smit!"
No, it's not a spelling error. I'm smitten.
I have met a wonderful man. Just when I had completely given up on men and made a decision to be happy and single instead of miserable with the wrong man, he came into my life. Do you have any idea how incredible it is to find a straight, single man over the age of 25 who has NOT been married and/or has kids? A man who is gainfully employed and who accepts me and adores me for who I am? Yeah, it's pretty rare!
We have a lot of common interests and experiences. The more that we talk, the harder it is to stop.
So what's the catch? We live on different continents. At the moment, neither of us are living on the continent of our birth. That will change soon though. It's just going to take patience and time.
I have met a wonderful man. Just when I had completely given up on men and made a decision to be happy and single instead of miserable with the wrong man, he came into my life. Do you have any idea how incredible it is to find a straight, single man over the age of 25 who has NOT been married and/or has kids? A man who is gainfully employed and who accepts me and adores me for who I am? Yeah, it's pretty rare!
We have a lot of common interests and experiences. The more that we talk, the harder it is to stop.
So what's the catch? We live on different continents. At the moment, neither of us are living on the continent of our birth. That will change soon though. It's just going to take patience and time.
It's probably annoying that I usually start off with how busy I am, but it's true. I am very busy! ^_^
My time in Japan is almost finished. Next week, I will leave the country that has been my home for the past two years. My time here has been absolutely amazing! Sure, it wasn't always fun and glamorous, but I have made many friends and have had some really incredible experiences.
I came here with ideas and plans to (hopefully) make change. As I look back, I only hope and pray that I was able to teach my students as much as they taught me.
I have learned many things. Most importantly, I have learned that you never really know who is paying attention to you and what they will remember. I had a few 13 and 14 year olds come up to me and tell me that they didn't like English in elementary, but then when I started giving them stickers and acting silly with them (when they were 6th graders), they became more interested. By the way, they still ask me for stickers. Even the boys.
I learned that the classes that are the most rowdy and difficult in the beginning, often become the favorite classes. Today, the class that I didn't like going to at the beginning of the term, gave me a standing ovation. I was shocked!
I also learned that the kids who are the rebels are often the ones who cry or choke up when you leave...they really have good hearts.
While I hope that I helped to teach the students (and many times the teachers) English, I hope that I was able to show them that there is a bigger world out there and that they should learn to think for themselves and dream for themselves. English is not something to learn so that they can do well on their high school entrance exams, it is a tool for communicating with the outside world. It is a way to learn about global ideas and forward thinking. In many ways, Japan tries to live by out-dated societal rules in a country that has no choice but to become modern. I want the students to see that they are be given the tools to make a change by combining the best of Japan and the best of the western world.
There I go again, getting side tracked. Anyway, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned here is patience. Even though there are times when I really wanted and needed something, I learned that no matter how much I wanted to change the outcome, sometimes all I could do was wait.
Japan has also given me many opportunities to make some life-long friends and family. I will miss them a lot and I hope that we will be able to meet again.
I have had many experiences with many people in this wonderfully, strange place. I know that I will look back fondly on my memories of Japan...
...but I am SO THANKFUL to be going back to the US. Even though the US is not perfect, it will be refreshing to return to a very diverse country. I always thought it, but have never felt more strongly about it: Diversity IS beautiful!
My time in Japan is almost finished. Next week, I will leave the country that has been my home for the past two years. My time here has been absolutely amazing! Sure, it wasn't always fun and glamorous, but I have made many friends and have had some really incredible experiences.
I came here with ideas and plans to (hopefully) make change. As I look back, I only hope and pray that I was able to teach my students as much as they taught me.
I have learned many things. Most importantly, I have learned that you never really know who is paying attention to you and what they will remember. I had a few 13 and 14 year olds come up to me and tell me that they didn't like English in elementary, but then when I started giving them stickers and acting silly with them (when they were 6th graders), they became more interested. By the way, they still ask me for stickers. Even the boys.
I learned that the classes that are the most rowdy and difficult in the beginning, often become the favorite classes. Today, the class that I didn't like going to at the beginning of the term, gave me a standing ovation. I was shocked!
I also learned that the kids who are the rebels are often the ones who cry or choke up when you leave...they really have good hearts.
While I hope that I helped to teach the students (and many times the teachers) English, I hope that I was able to show them that there is a bigger world out there and that they should learn to think for themselves and dream for themselves. English is not something to learn so that they can do well on their high school entrance exams, it is a tool for communicating with the outside world. It is a way to learn about global ideas and forward thinking. In many ways, Japan tries to live by out-dated societal rules in a country that has no choice but to become modern. I want the students to see that they are be given the tools to make a change by combining the best of Japan and the best of the western world.
There I go again, getting side tracked. Anyway, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned here is patience. Even though there are times when I really wanted and needed something, I learned that no matter how much I wanted to change the outcome, sometimes all I could do was wait.
Japan has also given me many opportunities to make some life-long friends and family. I will miss them a lot and I hope that we will be able to meet again.
I have had many experiences with many people in this wonderfully, strange place. I know that I will look back fondly on my memories of Japan...
...but I am SO THANKFUL to be going back to the US. Even though the US is not perfect, it will be refreshing to return to a very diverse country. I always thought it, but have never felt more strongly about it: Diversity IS beautiful!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
It's been too long since my last post. Honestly, I don't know where the time has gone.
I am now beginning to pack up and will move back to the States in 39 days. I'll leave about one week after school ends here, so it doesn't leave much time to make plans for anything fun. It's amazing how much a person accumulates in two years. When you are only allowed one free suitcase and have no inexpensive way of shipping even a few small boxes, it becomes a challenge. Also, knowing that I can't just replace a lot of these things, since I won't have a job when I get back. The whole process becomes a little stressful. Throw into the mix a few of the locals who are only worried about who will teach them English rather than whether or not you have time to get everything done. Throw in a clingy acquaintance who things you should spend every free day with her. Add a crazy, confrontational, down-stairs neighbor. Then top it off with trying to do the things you wanted to do, but are running out of time to do as well as trying to arrange to say goodbye to the friends you've made and you've got one big mess! :) Sadly, this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, but I think I've made my point.
The good news is I am still alive. I'm pretty sure that things are going to work out somehow. I just need to learn to say "no" to some people. I did that today to one person and it actually felt good!
I'm just going to enjoy the time that is left and try not to let anyone rob me of my joy.
For the most part, I feel satisfied with what I have accomplished in Japan. It has been such a growing experience. I've had my ups and downs and I've survived. I lost loved ones while I was here and made it through those times. I also gained new life-long friends.
I've learned how strong I can be. I was also able to put closure on a relationship that needed it years ago.
I have learned many things in Japan. Surprisingly, the lessons weren't always about Japan. I have learned many things about myself.
I truly feel that my time spent in Japan has prepared me for anything. I feel ready to take on the world. I am ready to start towards the next new adventure in whatever form. Whether it's a new job, a new place to live, a new relationship...bring it on! Thanks, Japan!
I am now beginning to pack up and will move back to the States in 39 days. I'll leave about one week after school ends here, so it doesn't leave much time to make plans for anything fun. It's amazing how much a person accumulates in two years. When you are only allowed one free suitcase and have no inexpensive way of shipping even a few small boxes, it becomes a challenge. Also, knowing that I can't just replace a lot of these things, since I won't have a job when I get back. The whole process becomes a little stressful. Throw into the mix a few of the locals who are only worried about who will teach them English rather than whether or not you have time to get everything done. Throw in a clingy acquaintance who things you should spend every free day with her. Add a crazy, confrontational, down-stairs neighbor. Then top it off with trying to do the things you wanted to do, but are running out of time to do as well as trying to arrange to say goodbye to the friends you've made and you've got one big mess! :) Sadly, this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, but I think I've made my point.
The good news is I am still alive. I'm pretty sure that things are going to work out somehow. I just need to learn to say "no" to some people. I did that today to one person and it actually felt good!
I'm just going to enjoy the time that is left and try not to let anyone rob me of my joy.
For the most part, I feel satisfied with what I have accomplished in Japan. It has been such a growing experience. I've had my ups and downs and I've survived. I lost loved ones while I was here and made it through those times. I also gained new life-long friends.
I've learned how strong I can be. I was also able to put closure on a relationship that needed it years ago.
I have learned many things in Japan. Surprisingly, the lessons weren't always about Japan. I have learned many things about myself.
I truly feel that my time spent in Japan has prepared me for anything. I feel ready to take on the world. I am ready to start towards the next new adventure in whatever form. Whether it's a new job, a new place to live, a new relationship...bring it on! Thanks, Japan!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Belated Happy New Year
Here's looking to a promising new year.
One of the great things about a new year is the idea that we can make a change and start fresh. I am looking forward to the many changes this year will bring. I am hoping that they will all be good changes. I am also hoping that some of these changes will lead to some fun adventures.
This year, I will be finishing up my job in Japan. It's both scary and exciting to think of looking for a new job. I have a few months to get things in order. I'm hoping that the US economy will get better before I return, though.
I decided that I need a job that will pay me to travel experience hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, etc. I wonder if such a job could exist for me? I have a valid passport, an interest in traveling, and there are many places that I've never been to, but want to go to.
On the subject of traveling, I was able to vacation in Hawaii before going home for the holidays. I love Hawaii. This trip was better, because my friend Jessica and her fiance' saw to it to be my (and my sister's) personal tour guides. They went over-the-top...to the point of going sky diving with my sister!!! One of the nicest things, though, was that we were invited to Jessica's family's for Christmas Eve. Jessica is so sweet. After meeting her family, I know where she gets it from. Thank you Jessica and family! ^_^
I think that this trip to Hawaii was the first time that I have gone somewhere and felt like I was able to completely enjoy everything. I also felt thoroughly rested. Going to Hawaii was a great way to finish up last year. I only hope that I can do something just as fun and exciting this year. If not, I look forward to winter of '10 when I plan to go back to Hawaii for Jessica's wedding.
One of the great things about a new year is the idea that we can make a change and start fresh. I am looking forward to the many changes this year will bring. I am hoping that they will all be good changes. I am also hoping that some of these changes will lead to some fun adventures.
This year, I will be finishing up my job in Japan. It's both scary and exciting to think of looking for a new job. I have a few months to get things in order. I'm hoping that the US economy will get better before I return, though.
I decided that I need a job that will pay me to travel experience hotels, restaurants, tourist attractions, etc. I wonder if such a job could exist for me? I have a valid passport, an interest in traveling, and there are many places that I've never been to, but want to go to.
On the subject of traveling, I was able to vacation in Hawaii before going home for the holidays. I love Hawaii. This trip was better, because my friend Jessica and her fiance' saw to it to be my (and my sister's) personal tour guides. They went over-the-top...to the point of going sky diving with my sister!!! One of the nicest things, though, was that we were invited to Jessica's family's for Christmas Eve. Jessica is so sweet. After meeting her family, I know where she gets it from. Thank you Jessica and family! ^_^
I think that this trip to Hawaii was the first time that I have gone somewhere and felt like I was able to completely enjoy everything. I also felt thoroughly rested. Going to Hawaii was a great way to finish up last year. I only hope that I can do something just as fun and exciting this year. If not, I look forward to winter of '10 when I plan to go back to Hawaii for Jessica's wedding.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
It's Been Awhile.
Yes, it's been awhile since I have posted anything. It has been absolutely crazy the past couple of months.
I put in 27 ours of overtime in the first month of work. Our school has been involved in speech contests and we've had some festivals. On Saturday, we will have our music festival. I am hoping that will be the last Saturday that I will be required to work! The good news, is that Monday is a holiday and we will get Tuesday off to make up for having to work on Saturday ^_^
Tomorrow, we will be welcoming some Australian students (about 11 and 12 years old, I think) to our town. They will be here for a couple of days and attending classes at two of our elementary schools. The ALTs will go to school with them for two days. It should be interesting. I'm looking forward to it.
Today, I had an elementary visit. For the most part, it went well. The 5th grade classes are not exactly ideal, but I've decided to look at it as a challenge to be met. I am determined to find a way to get their attention. Today, I discovered that they will do a lot for some cool stickers. This encourages and intrigues me.
I am also (finally) becoming a little more confident in speaking the language. I feel relaxed around the elementary students because they are just happy that I am trying to speak to them in Japanese. Today, I had a conversation (in Japanese!) about some differences in Japanese elementary schools and American elementary schools. The girls were astonished that most American schools do not have rabbits and chickens outside in cages for the students to take care of and play with. You would have thought that I just told them that Santa Clause doesn't exist.
Today is definitely one of the up days on the roller coaster of emotions felt while living abroad.
I am happy and will enjoy it.
I put in 27 ours of overtime in the first month of work. Our school has been involved in speech contests and we've had some festivals. On Saturday, we will have our music festival. I am hoping that will be the last Saturday that I will be required to work! The good news, is that Monday is a holiday and we will get Tuesday off to make up for having to work on Saturday ^_^
Tomorrow, we will be welcoming some Australian students (about 11 and 12 years old, I think) to our town. They will be here for a couple of days and attending classes at two of our elementary schools. The ALTs will go to school with them for two days. It should be interesting. I'm looking forward to it.
Today, I had an elementary visit. For the most part, it went well. The 5th grade classes are not exactly ideal, but I've decided to look at it as a challenge to be met. I am determined to find a way to get their attention. Today, I discovered that they will do a lot for some cool stickers. This encourages and intrigues me.
I am also (finally) becoming a little more confident in speaking the language. I feel relaxed around the elementary students because they are just happy that I am trying to speak to them in Japanese. Today, I had a conversation (in Japanese!) about some differences in Japanese elementary schools and American elementary schools. The girls were astonished that most American schools do not have rabbits and chickens outside in cages for the students to take care of and play with. You would have thought that I just told them that Santa Clause doesn't exist.
Today is definitely one of the up days on the roller coaster of emotions felt while living abroad.
I am happy and will enjoy it.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Over-worked, Overly Tired, and Happy
Over-worked, overly tired, and happy. That's about where I am at right now.
The fall session of school has started. I absolutely love the school I'm at (minus a few smart-alecs who like to make fun of the big gaijin riding her bike to school or the clothes she is wearing.). The teachers are very kind and most of the students are all around, good kids.
I started two weeks ago and every day, I have put in overtime. I have accumulated enough for about 2 days of paid leave (that's in addition to the 20 I already get^_^).
The students have a speech contest on Tuesday. This school is pretty gung-ho about the contest. It's nice to see the students show excitement about something too. Most of the students have done a tremendous job...far more than I ever expected. There is one who has waited until the last minute to memorize her speech. It's a pity, because I think that she's got talent, but there's not enough time to spend on pronunciation and gestures.
There are also two students who are pretty amazing. They are reciting pieces. If they had written their own speeches, I'm positive they would have placed high.
Finally, there is one student who is an actress. Her English pronunciation is absolutely amazing! She has amazing poise for a 15 year old and her speech is interesting. If I were a betting person, my money would be on her.
The speech contest is on Tuesday. There will be contestants from 5 junior high schools, so it really is anyone's guess who will win. As much effort as I have put into this, I would like to see one or more of my students place. BUT, if that happens, it also means more overtime in working towards the prefectural speech contest and possibly the national speech contest. Oh well, at least all 7 of my students can't place, so I shouldn't have to stay as often and as late, right?
Anyway, I feel very lucky and blessed to be at the school that I am right now. I will try to enjoy this session as much as possible, because the spring/summer session will definitely have challenges that come with it.
For now, as usual lately, I am content with what I have. ^_^
The fall session of school has started. I absolutely love the school I'm at (minus a few smart-alecs who like to make fun of the big gaijin riding her bike to school or the clothes she is wearing.). The teachers are very kind and most of the students are all around, good kids.
I started two weeks ago and every day, I have put in overtime. I have accumulated enough for about 2 days of paid leave (that's in addition to the 20 I already get^_^).
The students have a speech contest on Tuesday. This school is pretty gung-ho about the contest. It's nice to see the students show excitement about something too. Most of the students have done a tremendous job...far more than I ever expected. There is one who has waited until the last minute to memorize her speech. It's a pity, because I think that she's got talent, but there's not enough time to spend on pronunciation and gestures.
There are also two students who are pretty amazing. They are reciting pieces. If they had written their own speeches, I'm positive they would have placed high.
Finally, there is one student who is an actress. Her English pronunciation is absolutely amazing! She has amazing poise for a 15 year old and her speech is interesting. If I were a betting person, my money would be on her.
The speech contest is on Tuesday. There will be contestants from 5 junior high schools, so it really is anyone's guess who will win. As much effort as I have put into this, I would like to see one or more of my students place. BUT, if that happens, it also means more overtime in working towards the prefectural speech contest and possibly the national speech contest. Oh well, at least all 7 of my students can't place, so I shouldn't have to stay as often and as late, right?
Anyway, I feel very lucky and blessed to be at the school that I am right now. I will try to enjoy this session as much as possible, because the spring/summer session will definitely have challenges that come with it.
For now, as usual lately, I am content with what I have. ^_^
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