Why is it that the value of a woman seems to diminish if she is single and over the age of twenty-five? Or worse, over thirty? Why are do others view us as possibly lacking, incomplete or problematic? Why do people want to know "what's wrong with you?" Most disturbingly, why do people always assume the worst? If I were a man, most would not think twice that I am still single.
Instead of being shunned, why aren't we praised for remaining single? Many of us are strong and independent. We are not married because we choose to take advantage of opportunities through education and careers. Many times, the guys can not handle this or are intimidated by this. Rather than give up on our dreams and settle with someone who is obviously not compatible, we choose to wait for the "right one" to come along.
In Japan, women over the age of 25 are referred to as "Christmas cake". Nobody wants it on the 26th after Christmas is over. The same applies to women: Nobody wants them after the age of 25. Why not? It's not like we suddenly turn into pumpkins. We don't begin to decompose at the age of 26. We still have a lot of life left in us.
I have spent most of my life around children. I adore them. If I ever have a child of my own, I will feel very blessed. I also enjoy male companionship. Never once in my life have I felt that my sole purpose in life was to attach myself to the first man who will have me and then dedicate myself to procreation. I am not saying that I am against marriage and becoming a housewife. What I am saying, is that this is a very important part of a woman's life, but it is only a small piece of who she is. So why should our identity be wrapped up in this one thing?
I am tired of being asked why I'm not married. I'm tired of people assuming that, since I'm single, I must have plenty of time for others (because it's assumed that whatever semblance of a life I have is not as important as my colleagues who have paired off with someone). People think that I must sit at home alone because I am single. People are constantly calling me for favors because I have no one to disrupt.
Whatever. My time is just as precious. Maybe I can be a little more flexible because I am single, but I still work hard and have a life.
The difference, is that I'm independent and smart. I have just chosen to wait for men to step up their game. I want to know that the man I choose to be with is strong enough to handle me working (if I choose) and sensitive enough to meet my needs. I also feel that I shouldn't have to lower my standards. I have never been married and I have no children. I know that it is almost unrealistic in today's society to expect the same, but I am willing to compromise to an extent. (Thankfully, I've found someone who meets my standard)
I'm not looking for a perfect man and we all know that I'm not a perfect woman. It just bothers me that so many people assume things. They don't look at the whole picture. They have not realized what it is that so many women already know: We aren't desperate, we just have standards. Many of us are strong enough to wait, even when the waiting is difficult.
So rather than refer to us as desperate and as Christmas cake, why not call us what we really are? We are precious gems.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
"I'm In Deep Smit" or "O Smit!"
No, it's not a spelling error. I'm smitten.
I have met a wonderful man. Just when I had completely given up on men and made a decision to be happy and single instead of miserable with the wrong man, he came into my life. Do you have any idea how incredible it is to find a straight, single man over the age of 25 who has NOT been married and/or has kids? A man who is gainfully employed and who accepts me and adores me for who I am? Yeah, it's pretty rare!
We have a lot of common interests and experiences. The more that we talk, the harder it is to stop.
So what's the catch? We live on different continents. At the moment, neither of us are living on the continent of our birth. That will change soon though. It's just going to take patience and time.
I have met a wonderful man. Just when I had completely given up on men and made a decision to be happy and single instead of miserable with the wrong man, he came into my life. Do you have any idea how incredible it is to find a straight, single man over the age of 25 who has NOT been married and/or has kids? A man who is gainfully employed and who accepts me and adores me for who I am? Yeah, it's pretty rare!
We have a lot of common interests and experiences. The more that we talk, the harder it is to stop.
So what's the catch? We live on different continents. At the moment, neither of us are living on the continent of our birth. That will change soon though. It's just going to take patience and time.
It's probably annoying that I usually start off with how busy I am, but it's true. I am very busy! ^_^
My time in Japan is almost finished. Next week, I will leave the country that has been my home for the past two years. My time here has been absolutely amazing! Sure, it wasn't always fun and glamorous, but I have made many friends and have had some really incredible experiences.
I came here with ideas and plans to (hopefully) make change. As I look back, I only hope and pray that I was able to teach my students as much as they taught me.
I have learned many things. Most importantly, I have learned that you never really know who is paying attention to you and what they will remember. I had a few 13 and 14 year olds come up to me and tell me that they didn't like English in elementary, but then when I started giving them stickers and acting silly with them (when they were 6th graders), they became more interested. By the way, they still ask me for stickers. Even the boys.
I learned that the classes that are the most rowdy and difficult in the beginning, often become the favorite classes. Today, the class that I didn't like going to at the beginning of the term, gave me a standing ovation. I was shocked!
I also learned that the kids who are the rebels are often the ones who cry or choke up when you leave...they really have good hearts.
While I hope that I helped to teach the students (and many times the teachers) English, I hope that I was able to show them that there is a bigger world out there and that they should learn to think for themselves and dream for themselves. English is not something to learn so that they can do well on their high school entrance exams, it is a tool for communicating with the outside world. It is a way to learn about global ideas and forward thinking. In many ways, Japan tries to live by out-dated societal rules in a country that has no choice but to become modern. I want the students to see that they are be given the tools to make a change by combining the best of Japan and the best of the western world.
There I go again, getting side tracked. Anyway, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned here is patience. Even though there are times when I really wanted and needed something, I learned that no matter how much I wanted to change the outcome, sometimes all I could do was wait.
Japan has also given me many opportunities to make some life-long friends and family. I will miss them a lot and I hope that we will be able to meet again.
I have had many experiences with many people in this wonderfully, strange place. I know that I will look back fondly on my memories of Japan...
...but I am SO THANKFUL to be going back to the US. Even though the US is not perfect, it will be refreshing to return to a very diverse country. I always thought it, but have never felt more strongly about it: Diversity IS beautiful!
My time in Japan is almost finished. Next week, I will leave the country that has been my home for the past two years. My time here has been absolutely amazing! Sure, it wasn't always fun and glamorous, but I have made many friends and have had some really incredible experiences.
I came here with ideas and plans to (hopefully) make change. As I look back, I only hope and pray that I was able to teach my students as much as they taught me.
I have learned many things. Most importantly, I have learned that you never really know who is paying attention to you and what they will remember. I had a few 13 and 14 year olds come up to me and tell me that they didn't like English in elementary, but then when I started giving them stickers and acting silly with them (when they were 6th graders), they became more interested. By the way, they still ask me for stickers. Even the boys.
I learned that the classes that are the most rowdy and difficult in the beginning, often become the favorite classes. Today, the class that I didn't like going to at the beginning of the term, gave me a standing ovation. I was shocked!
I also learned that the kids who are the rebels are often the ones who cry or choke up when you leave...they really have good hearts.
While I hope that I helped to teach the students (and many times the teachers) English, I hope that I was able to show them that there is a bigger world out there and that they should learn to think for themselves and dream for themselves. English is not something to learn so that they can do well on their high school entrance exams, it is a tool for communicating with the outside world. It is a way to learn about global ideas and forward thinking. In many ways, Japan tries to live by out-dated societal rules in a country that has no choice but to become modern. I want the students to see that they are be given the tools to make a change by combining the best of Japan and the best of the western world.
There I go again, getting side tracked. Anyway, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned here is patience. Even though there are times when I really wanted and needed something, I learned that no matter how much I wanted to change the outcome, sometimes all I could do was wait.
Japan has also given me many opportunities to make some life-long friends and family. I will miss them a lot and I hope that we will be able to meet again.
I have had many experiences with many people in this wonderfully, strange place. I know that I will look back fondly on my memories of Japan...
...but I am SO THANKFUL to be going back to the US. Even though the US is not perfect, it will be refreshing to return to a very diverse country. I always thought it, but have never felt more strongly about it: Diversity IS beautiful!
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